Wednesday, October 7, 2009

could someone move this elephant off my chest?

i think i am a few thoughts away from an anxiety attack. i have so many exciting things going on in my life right now (some of them very trivial) but my mind likes to run away and get me really worked up. for instance, i have a sweet friend that i am hosting a shower for and i am so excited about getting everything together and i want it to be perfect. it is going to be SO fun! normally that would be fine but add that excitement to the mix and i think i may explode. i am leaving the day after the shower for cancun mexico. i earned this trip (all inclusive, might i add) with my amazing arbonne business. i am really excited about this vacation except for the flying part. i hate flying. i am already trying to talk myself into getting on the plane. this thought alone increases my breathing and my heart rate. you all know i have the job thing going on, which is even more excitement with a little anxiety tagged on that i am trying to fight because i know i shouldn't be anxious, but isn't it a constant battle!? then here is the kicker, which really is not a big deal, it may seem so silly to you but i am playing violin at church this sunday. i have played once already and was really nervous but i only played on two songs. this week i am playing seven....SEVEN!!!! but only if i can stop shaking long enough to have a beautiful sound come out. (hold on while i puke in my trash can) i have rehearsal tonight. i am nervous about rehearsal. what is wrong with me? i really hope i don't just pass out on stage sunday. that would definitely be something that would happen to me. last sunday i was even getting nervous just thinking about playing a week from then. i am going to rehearsal early tonight to practice before practice. i also am pretty sure i have lost some weight over the last few days. my pants are practically hanging off of me. i know you are probably thinking "that lucky little...." but it's really not a good thing for me. if anything, i need to gain weight, if i lose weight i will just look gross. gross!! okay, i am going to go practice some deep breathing techniques before i fall out of my desk chair. i will update about the j-o-b when i hear something and i will post pics of cancun and the shower soon too!!

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